A New Mom’s Struggle

Quiet time: when it’s not the same as before, and facing the fact that it won’t ever be like before, at least for quite a while. At least for me.

I have been struggling with my time with God for the past 13 months. I have been reading the bible, yes. I have been praying, yes. The struggle is that I cannot seem to find the same amount of time to do these as I did when we still didn’t have a child, and, not to mention, more so when I was still single.

For some portion of those months, I felt bad because it seems I haven’t been doing enough for my relationship with God. But God has kept on reassuring and reminding me that my relationship with Him is not anchored on what I do or fail to do, but on what He has already done. The achiever in me just keeps wanting to work for it. Yes, there is that digging deeper in my relationship with Him through the Word and prayer (a.k.a. “nearness is a gift; closeness is a choice”), but I also needed to embrace this season I am in as a new mom—that I should not condemn myself for not spending as much time as I did long ago (hours in one sitting), and that I should not consider myself unqualified for ministry simply because I do not spend that same amount of quiet time (for a while, I tried to go under the radar from teaching classes, hiding behind my “I’m a new mom” mode until they started giving me sessions to teach and opportunities to minister and I just knew it was time to serve that way again).

Today, God reminded me of this verse:

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13 ESV

With all my heart. It didn’t say I will find God when I seek Him with all my time. It says I will find Him when I seek Him with all my heart.

While the amount of time we give into something is an indicator of what we value most in our hearts, I felt like God was assuring me that in this season, I do not need to spend the same number of hours to hear what He has to say. I just need to continue making time for Him, giving Him my undivided attention, and trusting Him when He said that I will find Him.

What a great and timely reminder Jeremiah 29:13 is, especially as I seek God for clarity on certain matters, and even more, knowing what two verses precede this! The Word of God truly is alive!

In this holy week, may we all seek God with all our hearts, may His Word be alive in and through us, and may we all find Him in ways we haven’t before.

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